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I think I might have to end my weekly Bad Baby Name post streak at two, because this week’s is so bad I don’t think it can ever be topped.

The list of names started off badly enough, with Paychence as the first name. Poor girl, having to go through life knowing her parents were morons. Krystynn was in the list. Replacing one vowel with a y should be a misdemeanour, replacing two should be a felony. Camrenn was in there too, and it’s the name of a boy. Yes, I know that Cameron can be a perfectly good boy’s name, but only when it’s spelled Cameron. Then again, his other given names were Dinan and Llaguno.

Then there was the unholy trio of Jhace, Wylder, and Jayke, and I thought I had my Bad Baby Names.

But six names from the end of the list came the champion. The bad baby name to end all bad baby names. La creme de la creme. The absolute pinnacle (or nadir, depending on your point of view) of bad baby names.

Are you ready for it? Brace yourselves. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Abcde.

That’s the name.

Abcde.

I’m not making this up.

Abcde.

I’m sure we’ve all heard the stories of immigrant mothers with a tenuous grasp of the English language naming their kid “Nosmo King” because of the “No Smoking” sign they saw in the hospital. There’s also stories of kids being named Chlamydia or Gonorrhea because it “sounded pretty”.

But Abcde?

I mean, how do you pronounce it? “Ab-kuh-duh”? Do you actually speak each letter in turn?

And why in God’s name would you even name your kid this? Bastardizing a pre-existing name is understandable enough, but the first five letters of the alphabet? What the hell is wrong with people?