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Awesome Baby Names are Legendary

The people of Hawaii County must be learning, because this week’s list of baby
names is filled with awesome. Let’s get started!

Kicking off the awesome streak is Falen. Now, I’m not quite sure how this is
pronounced, but if it’s pronounced “failin’”, then this kid has an instant
awesome nickname: “Can’t Be” Falen! Awesome!

And Jaxsen. Jaxsen! Such a great name! Jackson is such a common name, a boring
name, an unoriginal name. In 2011 it was the 23rd most popular boy’s name in the
United States. How could you possibly go with boring old Jackson? Throw an X in
there and it’s awesome! Time for some learning: did you know that the Romans
used an X to mean ten? That’s clear proof that Jaxsen is ten times better than
Jackson. That’s science, and you can’t fuck with science.

Speaking of Rome, there’s now a little boy running around named Rome Chancem.
You have got to be kidding me. Getting a name that’s just begging to be
sponsored by Caesars Palace? Can you say “free
Vegas trips”? You can’t get much more awesome than free Vegas trips.

One little boy got the completely awesome name of Brayden Stryker. FUCK YEAH MY
MIDDLE NAME IS STRYKER SUCK IT.

I know I poo-pooed Legend last week,
but like an awesome fungus,
this one is growing on me. Another family in Hawaii named their kid Legend last
week. If one was bad, two must be badder, and by badder I mean awesome.

I might just have to call it quits on the Bad Baby Names posts because clearly
the baby names aren’t bad any more, they’re awesome.

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