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Inaugural 2008 Bad Baby Names

January’s almost over, and the first Bad Baby Name post of 2008 is only coming now? What gives? Blame the Trib! I haven’t seen any baby names printed until today. Luckily for us, they seemed to have saved up all the really bad names, because we’ve got a bumper crop. To the Bad Baby Name-mobile!

We’ll start off slow with the horrible misspellings: Jaxson and Reigan. Jaxson is actually a middle name so it’s not quite as bad, but Reigan is pretty horrible. I don’t know if it’s pronounced REE-gan or RAY-gan. At least it’s not spelled Reygan, that would suck. Or Reygyn. Or Ryygyn.

I can’t believe I haven’t come across this name before, as it’s one of those “internet phenomenon” things, or one of those “hey I’m fucking out of my mind” things, or “jesus what the christ is wrong with me” things that have become all the rage lately. That’s right, it’s Nevaeh. Here’s the type of failure Nevaeh is setting herself up for:

The name recently gained exposure on the reality TV show Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School, when contestant Heather strongly insisted on being referred to as Nevaeh, a name she had recently adopted to further her singing career. The other participants refused to indulge her in this, calling it ridiculous, and she was expelled in the second episode.

FAIL.

I know the meme of naming your kid after where he was conceived is a popular one, but Shoreline?

And how does that song go? Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys? If Willie Nelson had a pair the second line would have been “Don’t name them Stetson you retard.”

We’ll finish off this week with the unholy trynyty: Shandynce, Jaytin, and Vanysa. Vanysa really grates on the brain, I think you all will agree.

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