New Westminster · Satire

New Westminster to replace Quayside trees

After hearing Quayside residents’ complaints about trees blocking their view of the Fraser River, the City of New Westminster has decided to replace all of the trees along the waterfront esplanade.

“We recognize that residents desire a view of the Fraser River, but we must also remain cognizant of our recently-enacted Tree Protection and Regulation Bylaw,” Mayor Jonathan Cote said. “Because of this bylaw, and to remain equitable to all residents of New Westminster, we will be replacing every tree along the Quayside boardwalk with two Giant Sequoias.”

“We decided on Giant Sequoias to be fair to the currently affected Quayside residents. Our bylaws state that we must replace the trees, and replacing like with like means only Quayside residents will be affected. By planting Giant Sequoias along the boardwalk, we can block the view for more New Westminster residents, making for a more equitable solution. This way the Quayside residents will no longer feel singled out.”

The trees can be expected to grow up to 50 meters in height and approximately 6 meters in diameter.

“We hope they’re happy now,” said Cote.

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