Categories
Environment New Westminster Satire

New West Progressives call for ten-lane recycling centre

The New Westminster Progressives have committed to pursuing a competitive 10-lane recycling centre to replace the ageing, but iconic, New Westminster Recycling Depot, which has served the community for the past 25 years. The new recycling centre would be capable of hosting Provincial and National-level meets, while providing the residents with a usable public recycling component. The […]

Categories
Cycling Satire

Local family “totally fine” with light sentence for son’s killer

The driver responsible for the 2017 crash that killed cyclist Kerry Hawkins and left three other people seriously injured has been handed a $1,750 fine. A provincial court judge also sentenced Emerson Sutton to a one-year driving ban for the devastating collision, which happened on Vancouver’s SW Marine Drive. Before sentencing, Hawkins’ friends and family […]

Categories
New Westminster Satire

Richard McBride Elementary School to be replaced

BC’s Ministry of Education announced today that New Westminster’s Richard McBride Elementary School will be replaced with construction starting in 2018. “We have known for a long time that Richard McBride Elementary has been seismically unsafe, and we are glad to announce its replacement,” said Education Minister Rob Fleming in a press release. “As an […]

Categories
Federal Satire TransLink

Trudeau announces new Kinder Morgan route, Broadway SkyTrain

Earlier today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that Kinder Morgan is applying for a re-route of their TransMountain pipeline that currently runs from Edmonton to Burnaby, B.C. He also announced conditional federal funding for an expanded SkyTrain line to be run in a tunnel under Broadway in Vancouver. “We have heard criticisms over the past […]

Categories
New Westminster Satire

New Westminster to replace Quayside trees

After hearing Quayside residents’ complaints about trees blocking their view of the Fraser River, the City of New Westminster has decided to replace all of the trees along the waterfront esplanade. “We recognize that residents desire a view of the Fraser River, but we must also remain cognizant of our recently-enacted Tree Protection and Regulation […]

Categories
New Westminster Politics Satire School Board

Education Minister tours NWSS

BC Education Minister Mike Bernier recently toured New Westminster Secondary School at the invitation of New Westminster MLA Judy Darcy. NWSS is scheduled to be replaced, and Darcy invited Bernier to show him the deplorable conditions in the school. “NWSS is in bad shape,” Darcy said. “It’s really put New Westminster on the map, and […]

Categories
Local New Westminster Politics Satire

Cote announces Quebec expansion plans

New Westminster Mayor Jonathan X. Coté today announced New Westminster’s expansion into the province of Québec. Local community builders (and all-around great people) Briana and Will Tomkinson are spearheading the future annexation of Montréal with their move earlier this week. “I cannot be more excited about these plans,” Mayor Coté said. “With their years of […]

Categories
2015 Canadian Federal Election Federal New Westminster Politics Satire

Where is Chloe Ellis?

Chloe Ellis, we miss you. Sure, I’m writing while you’re at the only meet-the-candidates event you’ve participated in in New Westminster, but you’ve skipped every other one (including the two that I went to), you didn’t answer the local paper’s questions, and even worse, you didn’t answer my questions. Egregious! But we all know you’re […]

Categories
2015 Canadian Federal Election Federal New Westminster Politics Satire

Sasha Ramnarine Answers New West-Burnaby MP Questions

Sasha Ramnarine is the Liberal Party of Canada candidate for New Westminster-Burnaby, hoping to represent us all on a federal level, and he answered my questions to the Member of Parliament candidates. And remember, the questions (and probably answers) are satire, so if you take them out of context, bad things will happen. Also, thank […]

Categories
2015 Canadian Federal Election Federal New Westminster Politics Satire

Peter Julian answers New West-Burnaby MP Questions

Peter Julian is the NDP candidate for New Westminster-Burnaby, hoping to represent us all on a federal level, and he answered my questions to the Member of Parliament candidates. Like I said before, these questions are satirical and the answers should be taken in the same vein. If you use any of this out of […]